Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Favorite Superhero/Villian



PIZZA PIZZA: DIARRHEA

I now have a new arch nemesis. It used to be Cracklin' Oat Bran. When I edited that out of my diet I thought it was all over with, and I was safe from undesirable sensations in my bowels.

Then, on a fateful Friday night on my way home I was suffering. Suffering...from...the hunger. I saw a sign. Hot and Ready Pizza. Amazing timing. How fortuitous! And only five dollars! My gosh, it's so cheap!!

I asked little Caesar for sustenance. He provided me with what he had promised. It was indeed Hot and Ready.

I trusted him. I took the pizza. I took it into my body. My body.

Caesar deceived me. The pangs didn't start immediately. It took about a day before I began being forced to make trips to the lavatory every 35 minutes.

Ceaser had given me the sickness, but I didn't want to believe it. I went back. He gave another pizza, assured me he meant no harm.

Fool me once, shame on you Caesar. Fool me twice... well...fool me once and I won't get fooled again. Except I got fooled again.

I thought I was done with you Caesar. Little Caesar. Then I went to the free food festival, and who was there? You! You tried to get me again.

You villain!!

Caesar is not merely my favorite villain, he is MY VILLAIN. How could one argue a greater hero or villain than the one that torments him personally?

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